.... and I’m feeling good

Today I taught my students the expression “to be on a roll”. This is kind of how I feel right now.

The last few days have been good. I’ve met great people, spoken some Russian, written a little bit of dissertation, had some good lessons and have felt like myself.

I’m on a roll.

So back to these great last few days.

Apparently Ukraine does strange things to you.

I taught a cover lesson on Saturday with a younger group and have never felt so maternal in my life. The fifteen year old me would be disgusted to know that, upon being bear hugged (with run up) by a 9 year old boy, I did not recoil in horror but loved seeing the huge grin on this kid’s face and grinned right back at him.... how things change. However, I was also asked by somebody if I thought I was ready to have children. NO. Just no. I can barely make pasta. That is not somebody ready for motherhood.

I sorted out a visa for Belarus. IN RUSSIAN. Score.

Erinn and I went for another walk back in time.....

We saw a man with an incredible backside.....

 Erinn got a date....

A boozy lunch or three.....

 Followed by a tour of the Privoz market with two wonderful tour guides (aka Diana and Nastya, two of my favourite church girlies)

I also got to hang out with these two cuties.

And once again got up close and personal with Blok.

 Sunday is fast becoming my favourite day of the week. Church was awesome, as ever. The part of the message this week that I really found helpful was about the concept of serving where you are, whether that be in your marriage, in your group of friends, in your workplace, in the queue at the local supermarket.... I just love this idea of being a “light” wherever you are planted.

 I’m not a member of the LDS church, but when I was listening to the message, I was reminded of a piece of LDS scripture: “Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations” (D&C 115:5) Whilst I don’t regard this as scripture myself, at that moment these words really spoke to me, and I was reminded of how important it is to be that “light” in a situation.

A while ago, my boss sent us an interesting article about what factors make for a “Successful Person”.  The one that I got the most caught up on was this: a successful person exudes joy.

Whilst I’m not quite sure that being “successful” and being a “light” is quite the same thing, I do feel that being a “light” and exuding joy are two things which go hand in hand.

This is something I want to work on.

I figure that the best place to start is to look at this incredible life/love/mercy we have been given.

Other than the great sermon, Sunday involved eating pizza with Amanda (whose visa issues I am praying get resolved- Odessa needs her!) and hanging out with one of the sweetest families I have had the good fortune to meet. It is always lovely to spend time in a family setting when you have been away from your own for a while, but especially when it involves a mini trampoline and some extremely inventive Bollywood-style dancing from your five year old friend.

Sundays=class.

Odessa=class.

Do you know Him?

I am a liar. I am a cheat. I am proud. I am selfish. I am a gossip. I am an adulterer. I have been known to drink too much and say things I may regret. I can be ungrateful, greedy, spiteful, unreliable, insensitive, jealous.

It's just as well I'm not in this alone. 

My King (Dr S.M. Lockridge)

The Bible says my King is the King of the Jews. He’s the King of Israel. He’s the King of Righteousness. He’s the King of the Ages. He’s the King of Heaven. He’s the King of Glory. He’s the King of kings, and He’s the Lord of lords. That’s my King.

I wonder, do you know Him?

My King is a sovereign King. No means of measure can define His limitless love. He’s enduringly strong. He’s entirely sincere. He’s eternally steadfast. He’s immortally graceful. He’s imperially powerful. He’s impartially merciful.

Do you know Him?

He’s the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizon of this world. He’s God’s Son. He’s the sinner’s Saviour. He’s the centrepiece of civilization. He’s unparalleled. He’s unprecedented. He is the loftiest idea in literature. He’s the highest personality in philosophy. He’s the fundamental doctrine of true theology. He’s the only one qualified to be an all sufficient Saviour.

I wonder if you know Him today?

He supplies strength for the weak. He’s available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He strengthens and sustains. He guards and He guides. He heals the sick. He cleansed the lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharges debtors. He delivers the captive. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent. And He beautifies the meek.

I wonder if you know Him?

He’s the key to knowledge. He’s the wellspring of wisdom. He’s the doorway of deliverance. He’s the pathway of peace. He’s the roadway of righteousness. He’s the highway of holiness. He’s the gateway of glory.

Do you know Him? Well…

His life is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His Word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. And His yoke is easy. And His burden is light.

I wish I could describe Him to you. Yes…

He’s indescribable! He’s incomprehensible. He’s invincible. He’s irresistible. You can’t get Him out of your mind. You can’t get Him off of your hand. You can’t outlive Him, and you can’t live without Him. Well, the Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him. Pilate couldn’t find any fault in Him. Herod couldn’t kill Him. Death couldn’t handle Him, and the grave couldn’t hold Him.

Yeah! That’s my King, that’s my King.

Amen!

Things I love about Ukraine.... and things I love less

1.       The appreciation shown for extremely random and therefore excellent music. I’m not even talking just about my beloved Eastern European pop (exhibit one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBdCSFm-G0E) but also stuff from much further afield! Today I was delighted to hear my favourite French Canadian singer Coeur de Pirate on the radio: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL_EdIfr24U 

2.       The abundance of Georgian food. Khachapuri is perhaps my favourite thing in life. Definitely did not eat a whole one after church on Sunday.   

Amazing cheesy goodness.

3.       The general cheapness of living. I shocked my class today when I said that one journey in Zone 1 on the Tube costs £2.10 (26,4 Ukrainian Hryvna) when one tram journey here in Odessa costs 1,5 Hryvna. Sometimes I go crazy and take a bus AND a tram. 

      

      Food is super cheap, and also very tasty. It would be rude (or indeed churlish, as my father would say) not to take advantage of this fact.  Plus, who can say no to cheap Moldovan wine...

4.       Crazy but awesome students. Some of them are too cute for words, some make entirely unintentional hilarious comments, some bring champagne to class (win) and SOME of them even seem to be genuinely interested in English! Shock horror. They give me the confidence to look ridiculous (dance moves should always form part of an English lesson surely) and not give a damn.... for this I will be forever grateful. 

5.       The people I have been blessed enough to meet. At school, at church, on the tram, in cafés, on the street- people are great! Particular mention must go to Erinn who is my companion on the foodie tour of Odessa. You are insane.  

      When I left church on Sunday I felt about as joyful as I can remember feeling in a long time. Before I started going to church I used to think this whole idea of a ‘Church family’ was a ridiculous lie. How wrong can you get? I literally wanted to dance down the street.

Coming from a church as big as Hillsong Paris, I was a little apprehensive about what a much smaller church would be like. Oh my. So much love for the people there. And adorable letters.  

And awesome worship in 3 languages (English, Russian and Ukrainian)- what’s not to love?

6.       Snatches of beauty 

7.       Not being presumed foreign. I like the fact that people ask me for directions etc on the street. Of course their illusion is soon shattered when I respond with what could be translated as “I so sorry, I no speak good Russian”, but I like the idea nonetheless.

Things I like less:

1.       Pavement/ lack of it. Never again will I complain about potholes or the state of the pavement in the UK. When we had rain here there was just mud... everywhere. Where did it even come from?

2.       People who check receipts at the exits of supermarkets. Why? This would possibly be okay, except sometimes they don’t want to see your receipt and get annoyed if you show it to them. How are we supposed to know?!

3.       People spitting on the street. Ewww.

However, you can be made to feel better about almost any problem with the help of a (very reasonably priced) beer.

All in all, life is good.

When panic attacks strike...

..... take inspiration and comfort:

A heady mix of reflection and dumplings

So I was totally bowled over by the messages I had about the last post. Not just niceties, but serious stuff. Pleas for help, words of thanks and friendship. The conversations had as a result have been incredible.

Real life conversations are not always as easy.

When I walk into work on Saturday I look on the desk at the topic for English Club: “Depression and Anxiety”.

Oh.

It’s funny that this topic just happened to come up this week. I am asked if I will be staying for the club. I think not.

Not because this isn't something I think it’s important to speak about. Quite the opposite. I'd like to think myself capable of engaging people in conversation about this.

But not when there’s this elephant in the room (and no, I’m not talking about me, despite the huge amount of cake consumed recently...)

I ask what the stance on mental health is in Ukraine. Apparently it’s to have a drink and stop worrying.

All I can do is agree with a shaky laugh and then leave. Pathetic. One day I'll be brave enough.

While standing outside waiting for my friend, I am reminded of this advert: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dTgAGeNRpw

I thank my lucky stars every day for people who are brave enough to have these conversations.

In other news.....

We made vareniki (a kind of dumpling) with cabbage, potato and cheese

Amanda seems happy about this little fact :) Love this girl.

Erinn and I went to the seaside and for a wander in a monastery, and we managed to only get told off once!

Everyone loves a mirror photo....

Disobedient cheese...

English tea latte...

And, of course, beer.

A 90s Sainsbury’s bag somehow turned up in our local Accessorize....

I took a little walk back in time

And Odessa weekends get better and better

 Blessed.

My own adventures in depression.

My ideas have had to change a lot.

Depression was to me what Sarah Palin is to many people. A bit of a joke. Not something to be taken seriously. Perhaps just an attempt to gain some publicity.

Jesus? Not HIM again. This guy just kept turning up uninvited. In my email inbox, at formal college dinners (let’s just EAT guys, none of this Latin grace crap), he even seemed to have brainwashed some of my friends.

Fast forward a few months and I’m literally on my knees, crying for the 72^nd consecutive day, crippled by a pain which consumes me and refuses to go away. I reach for my Bible and start to cry a different kind of tears.

God certainly has a sense of humour. He knows how to make you listen.

I have never really written about this before. It is so not attractive. There is nothing sexy about anti-depressants and cowering in the corner of your bedroom.

I sobbed when I first saw this wonderful blog post: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html  These cartoons speak so clearly what so many people have spent so long trying to describe. 

Everyone is scared before they go on their Year Abroad. 

CHANGE. NEW PEOPLE.  A foreign language which I have studied for years yet somehow DO NOT SPEAK AT ALL.

I was also petrified of being alone. Surely nobody wants to hang out with the linguistically-challenged British girl who was almost certainly crying in the ladies’ loo?

I stand corrected. People are awesome. Jesus is awesome. I stand corrected, again.

They are there when you feel fantastic and want to dance the night away. They are there when you can’t find the energy to put on clothes and face the day. I know that on the day I come off medication, those guys will still be there.

I’m not sure quite what the point of this post is, but at least it stands to document a little sliver of a situation. I know there are people also away at the moment who can identify with this.

We are damn brave. Keep eating the croissants/tapas/sauerkraut/pizza/blini- they will help. Well, perhaps less the sauerkraut.

Elise xx

Tales of snow, a chinchilla and not going to Chișinău

For the last 7 years or so, I have had something of an obsession. It began (and continues) with Eurovision. From the moment I decided to find out exactly who these seemingly strange people they called “Eastern Europe” were, I was hooked. Before I knew it, I had a better knowledge of the Croatian music scene than the UK’s and found myself singing along to the lyrics of Macedonian pop songs. Learning a new alphabet was just an obstacle that was made to be overcome. All I've probably convinced you of so far is that I am, in fact, even weirder than you had first thought. The point I'm trying to make, however, is that coming here, seeing these new places, taking overnight trains, eating borscht morning, noon and night, is the stuff of dreams for me.

In my mind, coming to Ukraine would be nothing but adventure. I would take every chance there was to explore, go further, see weirder. An invitation like the one I received this week to go to Chișinău in Moldova (via the unrecognised breakaway region of Transnistria) would be like a golden ticket. But when this did actually happen I was extremely confused. I did not jump at the chance, but started to hesitate.

Seriously, what’s the deal? You’re living THE DREAM. YOUR dream.

First of all I tried to rationalise my feelings. Yes, it’s true that people do sometimes have issues going into Moldova through Transnistria (as you do not receive an entry stamp) and end up paying bribes to border guards, but surely that’s all part of the experience, the adventure, and nothing 20 euros won’t solve? Still I had a gut feeling that this was not something I should do. But why? I kept thinking back to last weekend and the lovely people I have met here in Odessa, to church and the snowball fight which ensued afterwards. Suddenly a phrase came to my mind: “Bloom where you’re planted”.

I first heard this phrase back in Paris, and had not looked back to it since then. It gives a great and punchy summary of 1 Corinthians 7:17-24 in the Bible (worth a read). When this phrase came to mind and I went back to read these verses, I realised that my desire to stay here, to forge friendships and deepen connections is greater than my desire to collect passport stamps. That is not to say that the dream has been let go, but that there is a time and place for everything. This is my time to hang out in Odessa and come to love it (until my friend Jonny gets married in Belarus, but that’s a story for another day!). The last few days of umming and ahhing forced me to reconsider my priorities. So, in some small way, this invitation was very fruitful.

In other news, Chisinau is Кишинёв in Russian- won’t be making that particular mistake again.

The church got a sign! Exciting times. Now you can see it from the main road.

 It got very snowy. Erinn and I had fun.

We also went to see the Odessa Philharmonic Orchestra. To maintain the crucial culture/crap balance we are also working on the dance moves to this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvXChulddFU

The girls from church are wonderful and beautiful too. They are also excellent at snowball fights.

Here is a chinchilla. His name is Theo, he belongs to my lovely bosses, and I am in the process of working out a plan to steal him.  

 Even if the sky is grey and the streets are muddy, beauty is there.