My ideas have had to change a lot.
Depression was to me what Sarah Palin is to many people. A
bit of a joke. Not something to be taken seriously. Perhaps just an attempt to
gain some publicity.
Jesus? Not HIM again. This guy just kept turning up
uninvited. In my email inbox, at formal college dinners (let’s just EAT guys,
none of this Latin grace crap), he even seemed to have brainwashed some of my
friends.
Fast forward a few months and I’m literally on my knees, crying
for the 72nd consecutive day, crippled by a pain which consumes me
and refuses to go away. I reach for my Bible and start to cry a different kind
of tears.
God certainly has a sense of humour. He knows how to make
you listen.
I have never really written about this before. It is so not
attractive. There is nothing sexy about anti-depressants and cowering in the
corner of your bedroom.
I sobbed when I first saw this wonderful blog post: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html These cartoons speak so clearly what so many people have spent so long trying to describe.
Everyone is scared before they go on their Year Abroad.
CHANGE. NEW PEOPLE. A foreign language
which I have studied for years yet somehow DO NOT SPEAK AT ALL.
I was also
petrified of being alone. Surely nobody wants to hang out with the
linguistically-challenged British girl who was almost certainly crying in the
ladies’ loo?
I stand corrected. People are awesome. Jesus is awesome. I
stand corrected, again.
They are there when you feel fantastic and want to dance the
night away. They are there when you can’t find the energy to put on clothes and
face the day. I know that on the day I come off medication, those guys will
still be there.
I’m not sure quite what the point of this post is, but at
least it stands to document a little sliver of a situation. I know there are
people also away at the moment who can identify with this.
We are damn brave. Keep eating the croissants/tapas/sauerkraut/pizza/blini-
they will help. Well, perhaps less the sauerkraut.
Elise xx
Elise xx
